Fanning the Flames...

The definition of insanity that I like best includes doing things the same old way and expecting new results. I can certainly attest to the fact that, in my life, doing things the same way has mostly resulted in the same endings.. though,the details in between beginnings and endings have been interesting and varied, the end result was me. Alone. Unsatisfied. Incomplete. 

I am trying something new. I made the call. I stuck my neck out. I am taking a chance and putting myself out there. He could have ignored me. He could have let it all go... but...

he called me back and, after the call, found me on Facebook. I gave him carte blanch to my Facebook wall.. and there he has access to this blog as well as another one I have been writing, Beginning at the End. This is certainly new territory for me. And, I have an idea as to how he may react to it all... It could be I am completely blowing a great possibility by revealing too much about me. But, you know, secrets are hard to keep and usually get found out. Perhaps it is better to put it all out there, up front. Take the plunge.. and give him the chance to take it too, if he likes. Dive once more into that deep end of the very warm pool..

The flame.. never quite went out. It was put on hold. For a lot of years. By me.  At the time, I wanted

 an opportunity to meet someone who would love me so much they would put everything on the line. I wanted to see if there was, by chance, someone out there who would want to marry me. 

Six years later, I haven't met that guy - or, to rephrase that - I haven't found a guy I want to marry. I already had what I wanted, I just didn't know it at the time. You never know what you've lost until it's gone? Maybe.

Today, I am happy to end the grand 50 First Dates experiment. I want to do 50 gasps, as he touches my skin, holds my hand in his. I want the 50 Oh. My. God.s as he takes me to those places that only he has been able to take me. I want 50 of those kisses.. all over. I want 50 whispered conversations deep in the night. I want 50 times that 50 and more. I want to be held, I want to hold. I want to trust. I want to take a chance again - with my heart and soul, and trust his heart, his soul, and
                                                      other delicious parts of his delightful body... 

And, do you know what is really awesome? He wants it too ...

Sincerely, and gratefully yours,

A. Tan Gledmess....  

 ~every reader, every supporter has been a very important part of this experiment. I thank you for your commentsm and participation, your eyes and minds. I may be insane, but I am not there alone  :)

Three Men and a Garage, Plus One

What a week it has been! I am officially off the dating sites, but apparently that makes no difference. And I am calling that a good thing. My mom passed away a bit more than a week ago, so date time has been on hold. Having been sick for some time now, it was evident a month ago that things were not going to get better. And it is sad. My mother has been my best friend, my cheerleader, and my supporter for my entire life. I am certainly missing her already and will continue to miss her as my life continues. In the midst of all this, however, some interesting things have transpired. I have heard from an old (hot) flame, been invited to dinner by the Get-Away Man, and  met 3 men in a garage.. and invited in to have a beer or two as well. This is what happens when you decide to do a favor for your kids!


My son and his girlfriend have lived in a rather nice apartment complex for the past year. I've been there for dinner, and this week I agreed to visit the cat and feed the turtle while they are out of town. I also agreed to get the mail...which is how this adventure began. I couldn't find the mailbox! 

I entered the building from the back, up the stairs. Let myself in, looked for the cat and couldn't find her. This is not unusual. Once Gracie stayed with me for a week. I didn't see her until the day before the kids came home. Gracie is either shy or has figured out that I am not a cat person. I figured she was in there somewhere.. after all, the litter box needed cleaning. I didn't think about the turtle.. but decided I would venture back outside to get the mail and check on the animals again when I returned. 

Now, one would think - at least I was thinking - that mailboxes for apartments would be along the street.. after all, my mailbox is on the street. The mail person drives by, loads it up, and moves on. I walk around the building, but I am certainly not seeing a mailbox. What I did see, though, was an open garage door and man walking into it. So, like any normal person would do - and yes, for the moment we are going to consider me a normal person, I ventured over and asked him if he could give me a clue as to where I might find the boxes. Turns out he lives in the same building as my son and his girlfriend. And, he knew where the mailboxes were. He also asked me if I would like join him and his friend for a drink - bottled water, peanuts, a beer? I took the beer. It's been a rough week. I deserved it, and the door was open. I felt a bit adventurous but also safe. 

I said, sure, why not?

Mr. C opened the frig to reveal a wide array of alcoholic beverages. I chose a Stella, and we sat down at this high top table, tv running in the background, and beautiful view out the door. We shared a couple of beers, some lies, and some laughs. Life is amazing if you just let yourself open up to it.

Mr C and his buddy H were new to town,military transfers - and having been here only a year, they were interested in the area. I became the expert - me.. the directionally dysfunctional one.. an expert - try to imagine that! Before long, Mr Long, Tall, and Beautiful-in-Chaps stopped in as well. Imagine this... me and three men in a garage bar! A man cave. I walked away with a phone number and a promise to be there when they next opened for business. According to Mr. C, his establishment is opened rarely and generally on a Friday. 

I don't know.. serendipity? Luck of the draw? It made my day. It made my week. I may never see those guys again, but I do know where the garage is and I think I just might have to stop in again - for fun.

Until next time....

A. Tan Glendmess

ps: the old flame? we're talking .. and texting... with a T... and yes.. I am going to dinner with the Get-Away Man. Why not?

The Evolutionary Process...

Dating tends to have a process.. the meeting, followed by the greeting and the first real date, when everyone is on their best behavior, feeling out the thought processes of one another. Then we begin to settle in a bit, get comfortable. We dig a little deeper, attempting to find out what makes the other person tick. We might even probe for sore spots - it does, IMHO, pay to know where those are and whether or not one wants to deal with them. Personally, I am a fan of doing this fairly early on.. after all, why waste time? Now and again, though, I date a man whom I know will be a short term affair, so I avoid the sore spots and simply enjoy the ride, much like one would enjoy a day at the amusement park. One can deal with a lot of things if one knows it is for a limited time.

Enter The Professor.. new to dating, he doesn't really know the rules. Oh hell, maybe he never knew the rules. After all, the last time he dated was 30 years ago. Did we have dating rules when we were fresh out of school or were we simply looking for mates?? And, truthfully, the rules are a bit hidden. It's not like you can read the book, although tons of books have been written on this topic. At any rate, I digress... in a very short time, The Professor will find his way back home to the mile high city, and I knew this from beginning. This bit of knowledge has made it easy for me to hold my tongue when he broaches a subject that might otherwise raise the hairs on my neck... (and various other parts of my still nimble body).. and not in a good way.

Last night's topic was politics, followed closely by 'how smoking cigars is good for my breathing and my heart'... On the first subject he asked how I was voting and what I thought of the candidate he was fiercely supporting. Although we both agree that we are stuck with choosing the least harmful as opposed to the best guy for the job, our choices are diametrically opposed. As a result, he tells me, I am ignorant - not stupid, mind you - just ignorant. After all, if I truly understood what was at stake, I would have to agree with him... uh huh (have we met??). Let me remind you that I am in this for the short term, but I am also aware that this is a man that wants an argument.. maybe for the sake of arguing... and I am not playing. I smile. I nod. I suggest perhaps we will have to agree to disagree and suggest a less lively topic. And, I would like to think that I have narrowly escaped losing my temper (my tongue is not quite bleeding yet- and no, I did not say that out loud..). We move on to another venue and a less volatile topic... although he does make some comments indicating he is not quite ready to let it all go.

Now, there are times, and I readily admit this, when I should leave well enough alone, but as we enter the casbah (not the real one, but a club none-the-less), he informs me that he really likes me - which makes me wonder how and why, since I have already been informed (in the nicest possible way) that I am ignorant (not stupid). I ask why... and he, of course, doesn't know. I do, however, know.. it's the sex. And when he asks me why I like him, this is my answer.. can you just see the shit hitting the fan here?? I don't care what they say, a man does not like thinking of himself as a sex toy! All kidding aside, he is taken aback and simmering- despite the smile. And I would like to say 'score one for my side' - ignoramus that I am - but I resist. He continues to smile and we enter the club and listen to some really good home-grown music. This band, Hard Swimmin Fish, is a favorite of mine.

Home again - mine, of course, since his in Colorado - and he opens the topic (previously ignored by me in the interest of good manners) of his snoring, sleep apnea, and a sometime irregular heartbeat. Personally, I think we all have periods when our heart skips a beat and not knowing when it happens is healthy. I also think that failure to take a breath on a regular beat is not cause for hysteria unless you truly find yourself gasping for air - but hey, there is a wonderful market out there for sleep masks - respirators (enter Darth Vader!). And here I am.. it's late, I've had a couple glasses of Glenlivet, and out of my mouth comes the fact (and yes, I say fact) that perhaps , smoking has led to this problem and quitting might help... 

cigar? Cigarette? Tiparillo?

Can you see the volcano eruption here?? Mr Statistician knows that smoking jump starts his heart and makes breathing easier! After all, when this happens in the deep of the night, he gets up and smokes and immediately feels better. He tells me there are studies to prove this...  

Now, to set the scene here, we are on the back deck - he with a glass of wine, me with my thoughts.. and I have closed my eyes and am trying valiantly to think pleasing thoughts, but finally,I open my eyes, look over, and calmly ask if he would like to know what I think.. after all, for most of the evening my thoughts have been cut off (why would anyone let someone they deem ignorant speak at all?).. he nods and asks what might that be? 

 I smile, and sweetly say, "I think your spending the night at your place might be a great idea" (insert stage directions here - kiss and exit). 

Truly, despite words to the contrary from the man who knows it all, I believe he is not going gently into his divorce, the one he depicts as very civilized. I also believe the time, as for all good things, has come to an end here. He has tarried longer in MD than he needed to, for the affections of a fine woman, and now needs to head back home. I think, perhaps, the anger, the arguments, the name calling might be his coping method to make the goodbye less painful. I also believe that he is misdirecting his frustrations about the demise of a 30 year marriage .. one his wife has asked for. 

As for me, I have been here, done this.. and know a good exit when I see one.. 
 Truly though.. it was fun while it lasted...

As always,

A. Tan Gledmess 
ps: for the record, I slept quite well.. 

Ramblings..

Time marches on, doesn't it? One day bleeds into the next and if we're not careful we forget to pay attention to all those little things that make us who we are. It's been a month since my last post, and it's not that I have been lax inasmuch as I have been busy paying attention to the minutia of my days. 

What have I done, and where have I been? Well, there was the young guy - 10 years my junior and I have to say he was fun.. for a bit. One more of the walking wounded and as it turned out, he was in need of a caretaker. I'm pretty sure I'm not it. When asked by his other friends to make sure he made it home safe, I knew time was running out. My nurturing gene is sadly lacking. I can rustle it out of retirement for young children and old folks, but not middle aged men. Driving drunks home and tucking them into bed (and out of my capris) is not my idea of a good time. Yep - you read that right. One night he got up after we were in bed and put on my pants.. not long after, I decided to go home to my own bed and couldn't find them. Prying them off his passed-out body is never going to be my idea of a good time. I suppose I should take solace in the fact that he was not in my underwear!! And no, I have not seen him since then. Some things are just too telling.

Another thing I have done is dropped off the online dating sites. When the same men are still there for years and years and the lines are all the same, it is time for a break. The faces change, the needs don't. I swear, a lot of men see online dating as a call-girl service for the price of dinner. And when did phone sex get so popular?? Has it always been? Cell phones are a wonderful thing - you can make long distance calls that are not 900 numbers and call it a 'get to know you' call while getting off... of course this can work both ways and I am not adverse to such carrying-ons now and again.. but really? How long can one do this without feeling empty? There is something to be said about a shared wet spot. Really.

Giving up all hope for sanity, I agreed to a set-up by a friend. Now, I have to say I have lost some faith in friends for this in the past.. after all, if you really know me, you have to know there are some men that will always get a FAIL when set up with me.. I am who I am and the right man is not going to change that---ever. At any rate, The Analyst is from Colorado and has a mad-professor sort of look to him, and no - not the Gilligan's island guy. More like Robyn Williams with white hair in disarray and a beard. Looking at him from afar, I am amused and curious.. but would I have picked him out of a room and said "That's the one!"? Probably not. That said, he is interesting.. very interesting and not at all what his cover suggests. I do like a man who is a bit of an enigma, so this is working out quite well for now. We have dinner, conversations, see bad movies together, and somehow keep our sense of humor and fun intact. Maybe I am just better with men from out of state...

I have come to the conclusion that I am not and have never been a good wife. I am a good mother, and excellent lover (if I do say so myself - and I just did!), but a wife? Not so much. And, you know, that seems to be ok for everyone except for the men who want to make me into one - a woman acting in a specified capacity. I have never really defined myself in any specific terms and have always defied anyone else that attempts to do so; it is no wonder I fail at that. I am not a role player except in the bedroom (ok, maybe the kitchen and living room - but only when sex is on the table) and then only when we both agree to such fun. And you know, I'm ok with all that too.

Until next time, and as always...

A. Tan Gledmess...

running amok...

Dating site memberships are coming to the end of their contracts and the time to determine what I am doing is on the table.. it does get discouraging. As easy as it is to make light of it all and fun of many of them, the truth is I am beginning to wonder what the point of it all might be .. after all, toys are mildly satisfying and sometime more satisfying than the men I am meeting. UGh.. when did sex become such drudgery and so vanilla? A little flavoring is always nice - some fudge, caramel, cherries and nuts spice up a Sundae, why not allow a little crazy in the door? I blame novels for this - the pitfalls of enjoying novels filled with erotic smut, I suppose. This summer I get to blame Shades of Gray - the trilogy. Hot steamy sex.. I like that. need it. want it. Even the men I am meeting are not into it these days. What happened to the joy of lovemaking anyway? I absolutely refuse to believe I am too old for this!

After informing Mr In and Out that hickies are off the table, there has been absolute silence - though I can see he is still looking at me online. God bless dating sites that let you know who the voyeurs are .. and one would think if a man looks at you numerous times, saying hello would simply be the polite thing to do. On the other hand, we have Mr Meet and Great who acts like the starving puppy - afraid that he must charge right in - cave man style (or is that bulldozer?) and shove into me over and over again - never saying  a word and then wondering why A) I am not responding and B) he is not getting off.. or is that old age?? He can't let it fly like he once did but also lacks the stamina for the long haul. Sad to say, all I can think about lately is that there is all that mess for nada,, such a shame. If there was something in me - willing and able to be the counselor, the sex therapist, I could maybe deal with it all, but alas, I simply want to be ravaged and enthralled. Too much to hope for I suppose.., though there have been a few that really rocked my world. And I have discovered that men who play with guns seem to have a bit more verve! They have spoiled me, to be sure. I want that.. too much to ask?

can we say NO! NO!

So, how do I order a man? This strikes me as a little more than simply a mail order bride.. I want great, eye popping, fireworks yielding, wet, gushing sex along with hand holding, cuddles on the couch and comfortable silences.. seems like an easy request, doesn't it? And I wish I could advertise it.. but alas, simple minded creatures that most men appear to be, they see only the sex and think whore with no payments.. ok, maybe a dinner and some flowers. And can we schedule a night- date night (Wednesdays) and weekends, and usually my place - saves them from cooking and cleaning I suppose. I might even feel better about this if they paid the bills. Was I always meant to be the kept mistress? Is this what I was in a previous life? Perhaps this is simply the rambling of a woman awake way past her usual bedtime. After all, if I am going to be up after 2am, I should be having more fun!

 out side the box

So, the beat either goes on or it ends.. and I drift gracefully into celibacy.. wish I was better at that to be sure..

any words of advice there, faithful readers? I seem to have hit a slump....

As always,
A. Tan Gledmess

Livid...

..As livid as the mark on my neck and the one on my breast! OMG, how old are we!?!? I had a feeling it was happening but didn't stop him - guess I am culpable too, but Jeeze! This body is a temple, we don't hurt it! 

So, date with TNG last night.. who shall forever more be named the In and Out Guy, because that is about all he does (can do?). You know, you like to give a guy some time, let him relax a little and see what he's worth. First night sex is not always so great - booze is generally involved, nerves are taut, everyone is self conscious. Well, maybe not me so much... what would be the point after all these years? There is truly something to be said for getting older.. what used to offend only amuses these days. Go figure. Anyway.. back to the story....

I headed over to his place. It is always good to see how the other half lives; and this guy - like the last one- lives in model home style - in suburbia. What is that all about anyway? To top it off, there is a lock box (the kind they place on homes that are for sale) on the back door. This certainly gives me pause as he has told me he has lived there for 2.5 years. Who leaves that stuff on a door?? Makes me wonder if he is simply occupying the place while the real owner has it up for sale (with no sign). He does have boxes of stuff in the basement though - unopened still.. guess we are not really moving in - at least that is the message I get. 

Do men think that living in a sterile environment makes them look good? Is it a sign of low intelligence? Is it a sign of control? Are they housebroken??Is that it? I don't know anymore, but this is 2 for 2 on the weird stuff scale. I need someone who lives in their house - and is surrounded by things that are meaningful. I don't know, it just makes them seem more human. On the other hand, they also look entrenched so maybe his game is to appear to be moveable.

Ok, back to the main story on Mr In And Out... and this is for that reader who wanted more details (LOL)... there is no romance here, he tells me. This is about lust  - his I am thinking - and once we are naked, he rolls on top of me, smashes my face in what is supposed to be a kiss, and shoves it in.. ok, truth is, I do like it in me, so I go with that for the moment. Some grunting and shoving later - along with his mouth on my neck, I realize that this is not going to end well. He flips me over - more shoving and grunting - and I am thinking  'ok, this is not exactly doing much for me', but hey - last time was good and I can be fair - maybe this is about him tonight. We flip again and now I am getting somewhere and no longer concerned about him .. except he is back to the neck and pinching a tit... a bit later, I am on top - getting what I am here for, and he is playing boy toy - use me baby, use me! Done - at least I am, and I am sorry (maybe?) that he did not get what he wanted...  but

Is this my job? am I responsible for that? Seems to me that a man who makes me responsible for my own orgasm cannot possibly expect me to be concerned about his!

  I fall asleep, he does some twitching (restless leg syndrome?), and I wake in the morning to find I am alone in the bed. To the bathroom and WHOA! A hickey on my neck???!! W?RUFK!? How old are we!? Livid is what I am. Livid. Are manners no longer important and have we learned nothing in 62 years of life?? You do not give women hickeys. Ever. This body is a temple - we do not cause it harm... We do not mark it up! I am not a territory!

Do I tell him? yes. His reaction? sadness - he's sorry. My response? this is not about sorry - this is about it never ever happening again, which of course, it won't.. because I'm done... Done! I say - although this was only in my head.. I do know that a certain amount of caffiene is necessary before I say too much out loud. Speaking of which, I have to make the coffee because, although he drinks it, he has not bothered to figure out how the coffee pot works; and then he complains about an after taste.. and did (I) make it right? Did I say DONE? Let me say it again.. D.O.N.E. done!

The question now is do I continue with this dating thing? we all know he is done, fini, over...  but I am pretty close (if not in excess of 50) and the numbers game is not working. There have been a few men I could have (did?) fallen for, but they seem to be among the walking wounded and I am not a very good nurse.

Decisions, decisions...

As always,

A. Tan Gledmess

weekend madness.. and then some...

It has been some time since I last wrote.. why? you might ask.. And I have no real answer except that I have been lazy and uninterested. Dates have not been very interesting of late either. Since being dumped by the CO, I have become a bit more circumspect.. wondering what I do want, why I want it and if it is worth having. I am, however, still dating, meeting men and living life.

Baseball games and plumbing were on the agenda the last time I wrote.. week 2 (or was it 3?) with MachI had him experiencing me dirty and sweaty.. and no, not that kind of dirty, but maybe that kind of sweaty.. can we say salted? Peanuts, beer, sun and the game made for that sun glow kind of sweat and grime, but ceiling failures and looking for a shut off valve resulted in a whole different kind of grime.. ewwee baby! The best part- worst part? - We never did find the shut off valve and the whole reason for the season was to fix my diverter valve in the bathtub..now that does sound dirty! But no... we did not do that nor did that other deed appear on the horizon - and this would be me, not him. He was ready!

The following weekend we went to an end of school party - and, speaking to a complete stranger (could it be my boss's wife?! Holy $h*&, I believe it was!), he reveals that I hate the guy... oh am I glad I had not parted my thighs for that guy! Bada bing, bada boom ~ it is the last date. And, in case you were wondering, MachII never called again.. vomiting on the first date is not a great way to leave an impression on a gal - or is it??!

Not to be discouraged or dissuaded, I continue to browse the dating pond, and meet up with The New Guy. Now, the new guy is cute and tall and funny - and gets drunker than a skunk on our first extended meeting/date. I blame my friends for this, at least in part. TNG has recently had surgery on a malfunctioning artery - only the week before as it turns out, and is on coumadin . As it also turns out, this is one of those things you should tell a gal you have just met - especially if it is me and you are agreeing to party with me. The friends embrace TNG and have decided they definitely like him - and this, after they fill him with 18oo Tequila (eh, Patron!). I do give them points, I think, for pouring him into his truck ~ for which yours truly had the key ~ but I discount the points once we arrive at my house... the bus stops here?... and I am the only one left to roll him up the steps to the house. And roll he does.. by the way, any of you share this with him, and I will have to accuse you of lying! We are still dating.. Drunk, he is funny, feisty, a bit stubborn, but not mean. We eventually make it to the house, and the couch, where he snores the night away. I sleep in my bed with earplugs. Amazingly there is no hangover, and I make him one of my famous omelets...

As it turns out, TNG can laugh at himself, laugh at life. He has spent a day in the rain with me along with another day in the sun since then. He isn't big on email, rarely texts, but he does know how to use a phone. And he has not been drunk again.. thank goodness! I like him. ... not that I am putting my eggs all in one basket mind you...

I have begun a correspondence with a man in Afghanistan - training police officers there - he's due back in the states in October, and I spent an evening in the company of an old date from POF while visiting a friend in Eastern PA... oh, and I met a Resident  of my friend's fine establishment Behind the Green Door... I might have dated him if I had met him online first - I have a feeling he looks better online! He wants an honest girl, an attractive girl, a gal who will not dump him for another gal or his best friend (wife 1 and wife 2). He respects women yet has no control over the number of expletives that exit his mouth. He is a man of woe and hard knocks. I found it incredible (~y~easy to understand why) that he can't find a gal... Go figure!

and until next time, this is, as always...

~A. Tan Gledmess

A Tale of Two Cities.. or is that...

two men? It is two men, with the same name and in the same week. This does make dating a bit easier - no name confusion. One must, however, be clear as to which one does what. The optometrist probably does not want to be mistaken for a guy who does techie work - and vice-verse. It helps to have an associative memory at times like this. So, where to begin?? hmmmm

Date one this past week was with Mach 1 - nice man, a bit younger than me. Funny and interesting. Funnier still is that he proposes we meet at a local restaurant. And we do. We meet at the bar, have a drink - well, I have a drink, he has ice tea. It was after all, a school day, and if you have ever been to school, you will understand why a drink is necessary. We decide to move to the dining room. Seems like a good idea, right? wrong. As we are being led to our seats, he sees a group of women and immediately asks me to walk with him to the door, 

"can I talk to you over here?" 

Turns out that one of the women was someone he had been dating  a few months back. He felt it would be awkward and wasn't worried about himself but more worried that she might insert herself into our conversation. Makes one wonder what happened there and makes me wish I had paid more attention! I have no idea what she looked like. I might need to have a conversation with her before I get in too deep.

Date two was with Mach 2.. a bit older and a doctor. Why is it that the more prestigious the title, the cheaper the date? Remember the Vegan Lawyer? Subway and the cheap theater- showing movies currently on DVD and PPV? Well, the doc wants to meet at this old place with $2.00 soup. Dinner was $15.00. Big tipper left $5 for the server. Ok, that was nice, but still.... We eat, we chat, he feels queasy so we take a walk outside - get some fresh air. Seems like things are going ok, but apparently not. He suddenly suggests a U-turn back to our cars, and 20 feet later, he asks if I would mind walking back to my car and (he) will meet me there in a few minutes. He has to vomit... W?RUFK?? LOL

I walk. He takes care of business. A few minutes later, he reappears. First time I have ever been on a first date where the man throws up. I'm not sure how to take this, but I also do not believe I will hear from Mach 2 again. He was completely embarrassed and apologetic. And couldn't get away fast enough. 

Oh, I am never eating at that place again either.

Date two with Mach 1 is tomorrow. I wonder who we will stumble upon this time..  hmmm.. I think this might also be why I often date out of town.

til next time, and as always,

~A Tan Gledmess

Renewable Resources..

Yes, indeed, the world does go 'round and things do circle back. This week alone I have heard from 7 men I used to date. My question is this: if I am so memorable, why am I not keep-able!? Truthfully, though, there is only one in the bunch I would truly want to be kept by, and one other who is still under consideration.

Call Back # 1 was the Separated by 100 miles guy... who says he is now really separated. Call Back #2 is the Get-Away Man.. saw him last night too. Nice man. No self confidence. Going nowhere with me... Call Back # 3 is the one I'd like to CALL BACK, but he is ensconced in a romance with a woman who is not sleeping with him or having sex with him - he remembers me fondly and delightfully, and just wanted to say hello and tell me how fantastic I am (was!?).. RUFK!? Just step up to the plate, my good man - and I do mean GOOD.. dump her, pick up me!

Call Back # 4 came for a visit and made dinner.. well done, sir, even if you are still working 6 days a week and will never really have time for a relationship - more true because you live 70 miles away. Yippee. Next on the agenda are two (Plenty of) Fish I threw back to the pond. One was very nice - frayed pants and all; the other was just a buffoon - given his message to me this week, he still is.

Last but not least, I have heard again from the Philanthropist.  
And we have a date tonight - while he is here for the weekend ... if only he didn't live in Canada..

More to come (or is that cum?),

~A. Tan Gledmess
ps - we both came  

And the Beat Goes On..

So, one day dumped, the next week I get calls and instant messages from men I used to date... What's up with that!? I have to admit there is a certain amount of redemption there. It means that they all come back and the most recent head case will be back one day too. I can honestly say that in the midst of all this, I played fair and honestly. A small part of me hopes to say sorry for your luck while the bigger part wants to say I understand.

One man who showed up again, the Get-Away Man, told me he felt he had "blown it".. and indeed he had, but we are still on good terms and enjoy each other's company here and there along the way. Then there was the Man on the Lake.. he was the IT guy in an earlier post. And, though he has had a GF for the past year (which means they met about the same time we did), he still sends me an instant message, telling me how wonderful our time was together, and that, although he is currently still involved with that other woman, he "thinks of (me) fondly". yay.. what does one say to that!? And we all remember the fiance' and although he has not reared his disgraceful head, another one has stepped up to the plate.

Awakening earlier on a Sunday than any sane person should do on a weekend, I had time on my hands and decided to do a little research on that Great Date .. the man in the last post. Low and behold, he is NOT 59, he is 76. How do I not notice that?? All I can say is that age, with men, is trickier to discern than it is with women. And, separated means 20 miles - the distance from his house to the restaurant. Now, I get that his wife has not turned out the way he hoped. I wonder if he knows his wife probably thinks the same about him.. hmmm.. but, if you are going to step out on her, at least don't fake out the honest women. I'm pretty certain there are women out there who only want you for your money or the dinners out and have no intention of forming any kind of bond with you. GO. FIND. THEM. Leave me alone. Despite the fact that I did not point out to him what I had learned, he obviously had a change of heart anyway. I have not heard from him since. Yippee.

All is not lost, though. I have a rendezvous with the Philanthropist this weekend, and next weekend another beau is coming to call and we may well spend the day in DC, a place he has never been and a place I am getting to know better. A band member at a local establishment flirted with me this evening - and the thought of going back to hear him play has crossed my mind!

I am alive. I am memorable - and in a good way - even if I am not seen as permanent relationship material. The only conclusions I can draw is that A) men need bigger balls, and B) I am worth the time.. so step it up. Life is too short to waste it on those who have no trust in them selves. I am worth it.

As always,

~A. Tan Gledmess

When You Fall Off a Horse...

..you're supposed to get back on. But what does one do when one keeps falling off horses? Find a new animal? Can I ride a bull? A goat? How do you mend a broken heart? 

Maybe I should have titled this The Bitter and the Sweet,.. the bitter is that I have already been replaced. I had to call the CO today to find out if he had a piece I need for my wireless receiver .. yesterday was so nice, I wanted to listen to my tunes outdoors. Turns out he did. Turns out he also has a new paramour. So much for love. I was told that to stop by would be "awkward", but as I wanted the missing part, he could meet me outside. SHE drives an SUV. Guess that puts her a cut above me. SHE probably also has a dog or two. Ah, to be dumped is a sad thing. To be replaced so easily is sadder yet. Which brings me to the sweet...

First of all, my rule was/is a good one. Never date the newly single. That code has been solidified. I was only his first after years and years of marriage. And, given that I am so easily replaced, I can feel confident that moving on is the right direction for me. No waiting for him to come to his senses (given that he may or may not have any!). I have heard many times that you cannot help who you love, the heart knows what it wants... but apparently some can fake it pretty well. What does it mean? What do people really mean when the say "I love you"!? Do they mean I am afraid to be alone?  Or I am horny as hell and need to get laid? Certainly it is not about love, because real love works around problems and seeks solutions.

After years and years of this nonsense.. and it does seem fairly non-nonsensical for me, I am ready to throw in the towel. Somewhere inside me, finding love and finding the happily-ever-after still seems possible, but I am pretty sure it is not in the stars for me.. so I am back to dating for the sake of dating, sex for the sake of an orgasm, and no more words of love. Some of you will tell me to not give up. Some will say that it will walk into my life when I least expect it. Some of you will be disappointed in this post - as there is no humor involved... But the sweet part is I still have me, my heart, my soul, and my self esteem - intact. The bruises will heal, the scrapes will mend; and in the end, I will have some great stories to tell!

And until next time... I am..

A. Tan Gledmess...

ps.. a small piece of me wanted to leave a note on her car, a note that said "he gave me herpes.. make him wear a condom!".. all of which is a lie, but it would have made me feel a little better 

a Series of Unfortunate Events..

the kiss off card

Beginning with the breakup... and I paid for the dinner. Shit happens, doesn't it? I wonder if there is a limit as to how much one person is supposed to clean up, but so far, mine has not been reached. The romance of the year has ended and the ship has sailed. So many cliche's to explain such events. Moving on seems to be the best course of action.

Things come in threes I am told, both good and bad. I have to admit, that a specialty in bad stuff showing up in threes is more my game than having the good fall in my lap. Over the past 7 days, I have received a letter from my boss expressing concern - once again - about my voice (not what I say or how I say it, but rather a certain quality to it), a kiss off (well, not actually a kiss) from the guy who said he loved me and wanted me to move in and be his woman, and now, the hot water heater.. somehow that last part seems apropos. My world has gone cold. Had to turn the furnace off last night too as the hot water from the boiler feeds the water heater and when one goes bad, the other suffers as well. One stroke of good luck was the gas company delivering propane for my fire logs.. I had heat even if it did require a night on the couch in order to stay warm. Did I mention that after an early warm wave, the temps dropped back to a normal 30 something for March?

Holy Cow!

Back to the kiss off... over the years I have broken things off with men and have had some of them drop me like a bad egg, but this one was certainly a surprise. Two days after being told I was loved and that he adored looking at me, I was told that having a job (mine) was a detriment. He was beginning to see himself as a "man servant, a wife, a (insert expletive here)..". Pretty offensive words for all those women (myself included) who have spent time at home caring for a family - the working husband included. Being retired means he is now the one at home and since I work, this position leaves him feeling like he is obligated to be the homemaker. And, I, of course, am responsible for that. You gotta love when a conversation takes place without your knowledge and you are still responsible for what the other person thinks you are thinking... holy cow! A mind reader, I am not.. and reading mine is dangerous - even for me some days. For the record I have never asked for the dinners I was invited over to share and have not left stuff to be picked up as I moved from his bed to my job. Moving in was not suggested by me.. and I take no responsibility for any assumptions made - real or imagined...

All that said - facts are facts. I work. And, I will continue to work until someone assures me a retirement package that keeps me in a reasonable style or offers me millions of dollars to live that life I know I was always intended to have.. tropical island and all... until then, I am still...

..A. Tan Gledmess ...  a single woman on a single journey..

Oh My... This Could Be...

As one can see, the time between posts has been lengthening! I've been (a'hem) busy lately. Remember the CO? Yep... he's got a line in me that won't let go. How does this happen!? I really did mean to take it to 50 first dates.. it is, after all, a numbers game.....

Unless you are a certain man in my life, which simply means that things seem to fall in his lap.. including me. Widowed a short time, he meets me online, and sweeps me off my feet... and he informs me he fine with that.. how could one not be fine with this? This is absolutely, incredibly wonderful.

So now what? Now we explore the intricacies of intimacy...  and intricate they are. I can freely admit that I have never stressed over meeting a young man's parents - though I am certain those young men stressed over meeting mine. It is just way things are.. but meeting a man's children is an entirely different thing! What an experience. And, I find I am more comfortable meeting the sons than I am meeting THE DAUGHTER. 

THE DAUGHTER is a grand inquisitor

and if I cared less for the father or knew for sure where, in his heart, the daughter resides, this would be easier...

As it is, I am still in this man's life. Keep in mind it is for the obvious and more shallow reasons..

1. he is good in bed.. well, better than good actually

2. he has a hot tub IN a sun room! what is not to like here??

3. he has a nice house and 2 (mostly) well behaved dogs that I can play with on occasion

4. He likes making me happy

5. He opens dooors

6. takes out the trash

7. does dishes.. and COOKS!

8. he's funny

9. he's cute

and finally... did I mention how good he is in bed?? 

 I may be in love... heaven help us all...

cooking with wine...

and a 12 year old Scotch.. can we say love? Can we at least claim lust? Date number 2.. the widower.. younger, sexier, and very handy - if you get my drift -  has become dates numbered through 15? 20? maybe 30... I may never date anyone else again. I'm on a roll here and not looking to slow down. A week together, mostly naked - in and out of bed - has me wanting more and more of this man. What is up with that!? From the week before Thanksgiving, this relationship has done nothing but get better. We have decided to go steady... remember doing that?

In fact, this is so serious that I have taken my profile down - no more of the dating sites I have enjoyed (ahem - can you see my tongue in cheek?)so well . For weeks now, this man has had my exclusive attention. And for weeks now, I have been seeing this as a never-ending adventure. I am so trying to be a grownup, but I have to say I am also enjoying being a wanton, sexual, woman with no goal other than to be happy and sated - again, and again, and again... to top it all off, I find myself wanting to make him breakfast and the occasional dinners - but as he is enjoying cooking these days, I don't want to do it too often...heck, the fact that I even want to cook has me looking in the mirror- am I still me at all??

OK, so it is not just about the sex, but day-am! This man rocks my world. But, I digress, and you should expect this as the story continues...

The CO is retired military and retired medical.. he is, without a doubt, a scientist. He is, without a doubt, finding me to be a delightful study - with and without clothing - I daresay (phew).. and I am finding him to be quite enjoyable as well. He cooks - in and out of the kitchen. In fact, I have promised to do all I can to encourage his foray into the culinary delights. He also builds boats - small ones - ergo is good (excellent?) with his hands. He has 2 dogs.. both well mannered (mostly), and they have decided they like me and my yard.. really.. what's not to like?  

He's tender, he's warm, he's funny and charming... and he grew up 8 miles from me... how strange it is to travel the US, live on both coasts, only to end up next door to a man who lived down the road. Of course, our age difference then would have been enough to keep us from noticing one another - or at least keep him from noticing me.

I got it bad, to be sure. The chemistry is completely over the top.. in fact, as he points out to me frequently, I have (apparently) not been seduced before now.. oooh-la-la... I am loving it. Feeling like I am 17. A first crush. Hopeless and helpless in the face of this. And I like it...and I am thinking this could be the bit that sticks

more to follow... 

~A. Tan Gledmess