..you're supposed to get back on. But what does one do when one keeps falling off horses? Find a new animal? Can I ride a bull? A goat? How do you mend a broken heart?
Maybe I should have titled this The Bitter and the Sweet,.. the bitter is that I have already been replaced. I had to call the CO today to find out if he had a piece I need for my wireless receiver .. yesterday was so nice, I wanted to listen to my tunes outdoors. Turns out he did. Turns out he also has a new paramour. So much for love. I was told that to stop by would be "awkward", but as I wanted the missing part, he could meet me outside. SHE drives an SUV. Guess that puts her a cut above me. SHE probably also has a dog or two. Ah, to be dumped is a sad thing. To be replaced so easily is sadder yet. Which brings me to the sweet...
First of all, my rule was/is a good one. Never date the newly single. That code has been solidified. I was only his first after years and years of marriage. And, given that I am so easily replaced, I can feel confident that moving on is the right direction for me. No waiting for him to come to his senses (given that he may or may not have any!). I have heard many times that you cannot help who you love, the heart knows what it wants... but apparently some can fake it pretty well. What does it mean? What do people really mean when the say "I love you"!? Do they mean I am afraid to be alone? Or I am horny as hell and need to get laid? Certainly it is not about love, because real love works around problems and seeks solutions.
After years and years of this nonsense.. and it does seem fairly non-nonsensical for me, I am ready to throw in the towel. Somewhere inside me, finding love and finding the happily-ever-after still seems possible, but I am pretty sure it is not in the stars for me.. so I am back to dating for the sake of dating, sex for the sake of an orgasm, and no more words of love. Some of you will tell me to not give up. Some will say that it will walk into my life when I least expect it. Some of you will be disappointed in this post - as there is no humor involved... But the sweet part is I still have me, my heart, my soul, and my self esteem - intact. The bruises will heal, the scrapes will mend; and in the end, I will have some great stories to tell!
And until next time... I am..
ps.. a small piece of me wanted to leave a note on her car, a note that said "he gave me herpes.. make him wear a condom!".. all of which is a lie, but it would have made me feel a little better 
IMO,self-love is the key to happiness, be you single or attached. And, no...I'm not talking about masturbation (even though that's always fun). Have fun dating who ever comes your way, but make yourself and the NOW your primary focus. Do any of us deserve 'love' like in the romance novels? Nope...it doesn't exist. Sadly. Damn Walt Disney and his hopeless ideals that I used to daydream about. Personally, my hubby and I have fallen in and out of love several times. That's the truth about the human condition. Some people can handle the flame dying to an ember, other's can't. Some can handle the truth when the rose colored glasses get removed, others can't. It isn't your problem how others handle or perceive. Just how you do it. And....the note would have HILARIOUS!
ReplyDeleteI agree wholeheartedly! and yes, I thought the note would have been great too..damn me for always being the "bigger person".. though an alternative would be to email him and say "OMG, I just found out I have an STD., be sure you and your new partner get tested!!" Maybe I actually do need to be less mature!! (lol)
ReplyDeleteps.. masturbation is sometimes better than the real thing.. my toy never asks "was it good for you?"
Found this link today: http://bigthink.com/dollars-and-sex/the-origin-of-marriage-and-the-evolution-of-divorce ... interesting comment there that seems to ring true for this guy: "... a Dollars and Sex commenter wrote that the “origin of marriage was to create a legal contract by which a man could acquire a female slave.” "
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