When You Fall Off a Horse...

..you're supposed to get back on. But what does one do when one keeps falling off horses? Find a new animal? Can I ride a bull? A goat? How do you mend a broken heart? 

Maybe I should have titled this The Bitter and the Sweet,.. the bitter is that I have already been replaced. I had to call the CO today to find out if he had a piece I need for my wireless receiver .. yesterday was so nice, I wanted to listen to my tunes outdoors. Turns out he did. Turns out he also has a new paramour. So much for love. I was told that to stop by would be "awkward", but as I wanted the missing part, he could meet me outside. SHE drives an SUV. Guess that puts her a cut above me. SHE probably also has a dog or two. Ah, to be dumped is a sad thing. To be replaced so easily is sadder yet. Which brings me to the sweet...

First of all, my rule was/is a good one. Never date the newly single. That code has been solidified. I was only his first after years and years of marriage. And, given that I am so easily replaced, I can feel confident that moving on is the right direction for me. No waiting for him to come to his senses (given that he may or may not have any!). I have heard many times that you cannot help who you love, the heart knows what it wants... but apparently some can fake it pretty well. What does it mean? What do people really mean when the say "I love you"!? Do they mean I am afraid to be alone?  Or I am horny as hell and need to get laid? Certainly it is not about love, because real love works around problems and seeks solutions.

After years and years of this nonsense.. and it does seem fairly non-nonsensical for me, I am ready to throw in the towel. Somewhere inside me, finding love and finding the happily-ever-after still seems possible, but I am pretty sure it is not in the stars for me.. so I am back to dating for the sake of dating, sex for the sake of an orgasm, and no more words of love. Some of you will tell me to not give up. Some will say that it will walk into my life when I least expect it. Some of you will be disappointed in this post - as there is no humor involved... But the sweet part is I still have me, my heart, my soul, and my self esteem - intact. The bruises will heal, the scrapes will mend; and in the end, I will have some great stories to tell!

And until next time... I am..

A. Tan Gledmess...

ps.. a small piece of me wanted to leave a note on her car, a note that said "he gave me herpes.. make him wear a condom!".. all of which is a lie, but it would have made me feel a little better 

a Series of Unfortunate Events..

the kiss off card

Beginning with the breakup... and I paid for the dinner. Shit happens, doesn't it? I wonder if there is a limit as to how much one person is supposed to clean up, but so far, mine has not been reached. The romance of the year has ended and the ship has sailed. So many cliche's to explain such events. Moving on seems to be the best course of action.

Things come in threes I am told, both good and bad. I have to admit, that a specialty in bad stuff showing up in threes is more my game than having the good fall in my lap. Over the past 7 days, I have received a letter from my boss expressing concern - once again - about my voice (not what I say or how I say it, but rather a certain quality to it), a kiss off (well, not actually a kiss) from the guy who said he loved me and wanted me to move in and be his woman, and now, the hot water heater.. somehow that last part seems apropos. My world has gone cold. Had to turn the furnace off last night too as the hot water from the boiler feeds the water heater and when one goes bad, the other suffers as well. One stroke of good luck was the gas company delivering propane for my fire logs.. I had heat even if it did require a night on the couch in order to stay warm. Did I mention that after an early warm wave, the temps dropped back to a normal 30 something for March?

Holy Cow!

Back to the kiss off... over the years I have broken things off with men and have had some of them drop me like a bad egg, but this one was certainly a surprise. Two days after being told I was loved and that he adored looking at me, I was told that having a job (mine) was a detriment. He was beginning to see himself as a "man servant, a wife, a (insert expletive here)..". Pretty offensive words for all those women (myself included) who have spent time at home caring for a family - the working husband included. Being retired means he is now the one at home and since I work, this position leaves him feeling like he is obligated to be the homemaker. And, I, of course, am responsible for that. You gotta love when a conversation takes place without your knowledge and you are still responsible for what the other person thinks you are thinking... holy cow! A mind reader, I am not.. and reading mine is dangerous - even for me some days. For the record I have never asked for the dinners I was invited over to share and have not left stuff to be picked up as I moved from his bed to my job. Moving in was not suggested by me.. and I take no responsibility for any assumptions made - real or imagined...

All that said - facts are facts. I work. And, I will continue to work until someone assures me a retirement package that keeps me in a reasonable style or offers me millions of dollars to live that life I know I was always intended to have.. tropical island and all... until then, I am still...

..A. Tan Gledmess ...  a single woman on a single journey..

Oh My... This Could Be...

As one can see, the time between posts has been lengthening! I've been (a'hem) busy lately. Remember the CO? Yep... he's got a line in me that won't let go. How does this happen!? I really did mean to take it to 50 first dates.. it is, after all, a numbers game.....

Unless you are a certain man in my life, which simply means that things seem to fall in his lap.. including me. Widowed a short time, he meets me online, and sweeps me off my feet... and he informs me he fine with that.. how could one not be fine with this? This is absolutely, incredibly wonderful.

So now what? Now we explore the intricacies of intimacy...  and intricate they are. I can freely admit that I have never stressed over meeting a young man's parents - though I am certain those young men stressed over meeting mine. It is just way things are.. but meeting a man's children is an entirely different thing! What an experience. And, I find I am more comfortable meeting the sons than I am meeting THE DAUGHTER. 

THE DAUGHTER is a grand inquisitor

and if I cared less for the father or knew for sure where, in his heart, the daughter resides, this would be easier...

As it is, I am still in this man's life. Keep in mind it is for the obvious and more shallow reasons..

1. he is good in bed.. well, better than good actually

2. he has a hot tub IN a sun room! what is not to like here??

3. he has a nice house and 2 (mostly) well behaved dogs that I can play with on occasion

4. He likes making me happy

5. He opens dooors

6. takes out the trash

7. does dishes.. and COOKS!

8. he's funny

9. he's cute

and finally... did I mention how good he is in bed?? 

 I may be in love... heaven help us all...

cooking with wine...

and a 12 year old Scotch.. can we say love? Can we at least claim lust? Date number 2.. the widower.. younger, sexier, and very handy - if you get my drift -  has become dates numbered through 15? 20? maybe 30... I may never date anyone else again. I'm on a roll here and not looking to slow down. A week together, mostly naked - in and out of bed - has me wanting more and more of this man. What is up with that!? From the week before Thanksgiving, this relationship has done nothing but get better. We have decided to go steady... remember doing that?

In fact, this is so serious that I have taken my profile down - no more of the dating sites I have enjoyed (ahem - can you see my tongue in cheek?)so well . For weeks now, this man has had my exclusive attention. And for weeks now, I have been seeing this as a never-ending adventure. I am so trying to be a grownup, but I have to say I am also enjoying being a wanton, sexual, woman with no goal other than to be happy and sated - again, and again, and again... to top it all off, I find myself wanting to make him breakfast and the occasional dinners - but as he is enjoying cooking these days, I don't want to do it too often...heck, the fact that I even want to cook has me looking in the mirror- am I still me at all??

OK, so it is not just about the sex, but day-am! This man rocks my world. But, I digress, and you should expect this as the story continues...

The CO is retired military and retired medical.. he is, without a doubt, a scientist. He is, without a doubt, finding me to be a delightful study - with and without clothing - I daresay (phew).. and I am finding him to be quite enjoyable as well. He cooks - in and out of the kitchen. In fact, I have promised to do all I can to encourage his foray into the culinary delights. He also builds boats - small ones - ergo is good (excellent?) with his hands. He has 2 dogs.. both well mannered (mostly), and they have decided they like me and my yard.. really.. what's not to like?  

He's tender, he's warm, he's funny and charming... and he grew up 8 miles from me... how strange it is to travel the US, live on both coasts, only to end up next door to a man who lived down the road. Of course, our age difference then would have been enough to keep us from noticing one another - or at least keep him from noticing me.

I got it bad, to be sure. The chemistry is completely over the top.. in fact, as he points out to me frequently, I have (apparently) not been seduced before now.. oooh-la-la... I am loving it. Feeling like I am 17. A first crush. Hopeless and helpless in the face of this. And I like it...and I am thinking this could be the bit that sticks

more to follow... 

~A. Tan Gledmess