What's a Girl Gonna Do...

The relationship with Mr T, aka The Old Flame, seems to be a given for the time being. I'm still not convinced that he is a committed kind of guy, at least not for the long run, but I could be wrong. I've been wrong before.. as you all know... and then, of course, there is me. Could be I need to learn how to pick 'em. One hates to throw stones, in any case. For the time being, however, this is a great thing and I am enjoying myself more than any girl has a right to enjoy herself. Decadence may become my middle name after all.. perhaps I am D. Eca Dence rather than A. Tan Gledmess.. bears some thought.

The past couple of months, my silence has not been because I have nothing to say, but more because I have not had the time to say it. I also find that happiness breeds silence, contentment. I am off dating sites completely now- having neither the time nor the inclination to search further than my own backyard. As Auntie Em said, sometimes what we are looking for is there all along. I was thrilled to find he was still there.. and that he was willing and able to meet me halfway, all the way. I find the men on the dating sites tedious and uninteresting now. And, truth be told, the same guys are still hanging around there. I have a $100 that says they'll still be around in 5 years. Talk about folks who don't commit! I am inclined to believe in that old bird in hand cliche', especially when the bird in hand has me in his! 

Take this past week, for instance...

Having a day off midweek placed some time on my hands, so I placed myself in his. Now, Mr. T, he works midnights, so what would be an Afternoon Delight for some (me included), is his evening of fun and games. And you know, games are not like they used to be because these games are infused with love and tenderness. He handles me with expert care. He touches those parts of me that even I didn't know existed. He teases, he dares, he withholds until I am ready to go completely out of my mind, and then he blows my mind, over and over and over again. I can't breathe. I can't think. I certainly can't walk. And just when I think I have caught my breath, he is taking me to infinity and beyond all over again (yea, it's like that!). I am in awe of his expertise. I am in awe of his sense of me, his knowledge of my body and my mind. I am in awe. 

He has me tied up in so many ways...
 
What is a girl to do? He makes me crazy. He makes me whole. He arouses me like no one has ever done before and perhaps as no one should have a right to do to another human being. He makes me an addict, a junkie, a girl in need of a fix.. on a regular basis. The simple pleasure of toys are no longer so pleasurable until they are also in his hands. Fifty Shades of Grey has nothing on this man. In fact, Mr. Grey is weak and a non-expert in such matters. Mr Grey is put to shame alongside Mr. T.

I make him crazy too. I may drive him out of his mind... but truth is, I am not always sure it is in a good way. Oh, now, there is no doubt that I know how to handle this man. I do know what floats his boat, so to speak, and am gaining the confidence to show him what I like, what I want, what I need without the fear of being shamed or criticized, and I like it. He likes it. But I also think that there are times when I am too much; times when he needs to pull back and regroup. I have lived in the daylight for my entire life. Mr. T lives in darkness. Working midnights does not give a man much time to explore the world; the people who rush through the hours have time to do this before dark. Working midnights allows him to stay in the shadows...

And I am not a shadow girl. I am a dance-in-the-daylight, play-in-the-dark, run-with-the-wind kind of girl at times. He and I - Oil and water? Sand and stone? Night and day. We both need to learn to be ok with those differences. I need to know how to gentle him out to the light, and he needs to not fear the flame that I sometimes project. It's a journey this time, wrought with potholes and detours, and a few do-not-disturb signs.. but I want it. He wants it.. I hope. I think. I know it's gonna be worth it, is worth it, and is a wonderful thing.

What's a girl to do?  

 
As always....

       A. Tan Gledmess...