nice guys.. and all that jazz?

Oh my, I am having issues... 2 weeks now and I have been dating the same man. And it looks like week 3 will have me doing the same.. the question is why? 

The answer to the question can probably be assumed.. I like him? But, the truth is, I am not sure what I like. I only know this guy is not like any other man I have ever dated, and given my track record, this could be a good thing. Two bad marriages and an almost bad marriage have taught me one thing - and that is that I need to change my habits and date someone out of my usual type. Which brings me to Mr B (the Set-up Man). As you might recall, this man was a blind date set up for me by a woman I met once. And he is nice! A part of me wants to say too nice, but can someone be too nice? Is that like too rich? or too beautiful?

Mr. B is a gentleman.. almost a total gentleman. His hello kiss is a bit over the top, though he is getting the idea that holding back a bit at the initial greeting can be a good thing...  The good night kiss, well is no where close to chaste - in fact, it is pretty hot! He brings flowers, coffee, wine, and other small gifts each time he arrives to pick me up for a date. He bought me a motorcycle helmet so I can ride with him, and if I say something interests me, he makes it happen - trip to DC, dinner and a movie, prices on new tires, an ice wine.. He opens car doors! It's a bit overwhelming, but nothing to complain about I am sure... that said, I don't have a clue as to how to handle this! Oh, and did I mention that he's an Italian? and he likes to cook ... though I have not yet had dinner at his place, or mine! Most surprising - and no one is more surprised than I am: I am holding out... sending him home...  what is THAT all about!?


Is it easier to date the bad guys? The wrong guys? Is it safer to protect oneself that way? My friends tell me to float with this.. to just enjoy it.. and I do like it. Really! It just feels a bit like, well, like living on Mars... 








~A. Tan Gledmess

W?RUFK? The 2 Week Date..

Blind dates are something I have tended to avoid over the past few years, unless (of course) they have been of my own making - online. Dates set up by friends have not been good. In fact, they have been bloody awful - which makes me wonder if I need better friends!! Guy number 1 was years ago, a set up by a woman who used to be my best friend! He invited me out for drinks and dancing. Five minutes into the date, he informed me that he had been ticketed for a DUI - a charge he felt was completely unfair. Though, he admits, he was weaving, it was in his own lane (Bada Bing!). And dancing? Well, as it turns out, dancing makes him sweat and "sweating is not cool". I excused myself to the restroom and found my car on the way. I never returned. Whether he missed me or not is still unclear. I can only feel relief that he never called me again.

Another blind date had me meeting the 'friend of a friend' at a park-n-ride. We said hello, I slid into this car (nice ride too), and he reached over - opening the glove box to reveal quite a beautiful array of drugs! All colors, shapes, and sizes... and though he could not remember what all of them were, he freely offered me my pick... RUFK!? I kindly refused, remembered I could not go out that night after all (darn!) and found my way to my own car. Holy cow! These are the men my friends want me to date. I DO need better friends. 

In fact let's not forget the most recent one who asked me to spend the night and then spent it not touching me. What was that all about!?

But, here I am, dating a Set-Up Man. All I can say to explain myself is that this date was set up by a woman who I had just met, and the guy is Italian... from Brooklyn. And, he can talk like the Godfather..sometimes I am just a sucker for a new adventure...

A year or so ago, a guy I knew in high school , and not well, moved to this area with his wife.  He has been bugging me for some time to join his group of trivia players at a local pub. So, summer is here, I do have time, and my bed time is fairly fluid.. to trivia I went. And there I met Ms R. Ms R is newly married and like all those newly married women I know, she believes in love. And, as it turns out, she has this friend and she believes we might like each other, so... WTH? I said sure. After all, Ms R does not really know me and I don't really know her - no hard feelings if this is a fail - and it might get me out of trivia! The Date is scheduled. We are to meet at the next trivia night - on a Tuesday. We begin at dinner. He sits at one end of the table. I'm at the other. We eye one another a bit, exchange hellos, and then move to the trivia area, where we are seated together.

As it turns out, the S.U.M and I have a lot in common. We know the same songs, agree on the same answers (right or wrong), and he thinks my stories are funny. He does like to talk and like any good Italian, uses his hands a lot - which makes me slightly crazy at times, but he drives a new, fully loaded Mustang.. cherry red. My shallow self is in heaven. He comes bearing gifts - roses, stuffed animals, fresh roasted coffee beans, and buys me (ta-da) a motorcycle helmet! As it turns out he also owns a Harley and would be honored if I would ride with him. I ask you, what's not to like?? He says my wish is his command and so far, he means it... We have an all day date to the city planned and he wants to take me out for a special birthday brunch.. over a week, and going strong... I don't know, faithful reader.. Stay tuned... because despite the good feelings, I started this adventure saying I would do 50 first dates...

One thing I can say however - people who do not know me well are better at arranging dates for me than my own friends are...

~A. Tan Gledmess

Man 17, dates...

...At least I think this is Man 17. I really do need to go back and do a head count.. and yes, I know the pun is, well, punny . This is a man from the pond called Plenty of Fish, and certainly there are plenty of fish in the pond, but I have say that most of them are carp (crap, did I spell that right?).. particularly at this age. Occasionally the one that nails the hook, appears to be a keeper. Man 14 might have turned out to be one of those. Alas, this didn't pan out (yes, I know, another fish pun). Despite a profile that lists him as having average weight, the reality is that if 330+lbs at 6'2" is "average", we are all in trouble! 


It all begins with a message:

hello, I was reading your profile and you look like an interesting individual. Can you tell me more about those tattoos? and where have you traveled (besides your own backyard; after all, he likes "mowing")? I love the picture of you holding that fish.. somehow it is soooo appropriate for this site :D

Actually, I have to admit, I have never written anything that lame nor have I ever received any so bad - well, that's not entirely true...,because there are those wondering:

Do you shave? How adventurous are you? Are you a girl who behaves?

It is sad that at this point in our lives, and by our lives I mean my generation, we have been reduced to bad lines and stupid comments (ok, maybe this is not a reduction, but rather more of the same) to hide our insecurities while everyone laments that people cannot just be honest!  I am finding that it is the most dishonest who make this complaint. ... um, excuse me while I lie... 
But I digress...


A 2 hour phone conversation led to a very nice dinner date that leaked into after dinner drinks, that ended with some real heavy petting.. oooh la-la! The man has very nice lips and can certainly be called handy, if you get my drift. I got home at midnight. No complaints here. Possibility seemed to ooze from this first impression. Date 2 was dinner at his place and a chance to meet the dog.. and watch him play with guns. I'm supposed to be impressed here, and I am.. with the time and money that goes into competition shooting. I have to admit, he has also won some awards. In fact, he has so many awards that it becomes startling obvious that shooting is more than a hobby. It is a way of life, but I am still liking the hands... hmmmm, baby!

Date 3, and yes we are still in week 1, is Sushi, and I do love Sushi. We order a variety of fish - enough, in fact, to feed a third world country. About half of it goes home with him. His dinner for the next two days is covered - or at least should be! We also have a discussion on what he wants and needs from a relationship:

Number 1: he wants a girl to keep him in line - let him know when he is off base and/or needs to be more attentive. 

Number 2: he needs someone who will take him out of his own selfish interests (his words, not mine) and help him to be a better mate - set up movie dates, theater dates, and other things that might interest her. Ok, I'm thinking this is all possible, but how much fun is it to go out with a man who yawns the whole time he is doing something that interests me but not him? And, do I want to play parent? And what is the payback for this? There are always paybacks, and you all know exactly what I mean!

Number 3: he wants a partner to travel with him to shooting matches, gun shows, and gatherings... and by traveling, he means she goes along and is available for some afternoon delight, evening shenanigans, but otherwise can amuse herself (um, yeah.. maybe no)...

Date number 4, for July 4, is confirmed - after all, one may as well play out the whole week! This is the date that determines the future, and as it turns out, the future is not looking bright. It begins with my accepting the date even while my gut says, um, no.. going to the park to meet my own friends is a better idea. It ends with my explaining how I had fun (a lie) but that I am heading home, and no thank you, I'll pass on coming in for a few minutes. We attended a party where he knew three people - and I met all three. We sit alone to eat, to watch the band (no dancing - he only does that in the kitchen) alone, and finally see the private fireworks show that is put on by the host- alone. He doesn't like to talk to folks he doesn't know, and a couple of times hints that he would not object to our finding a quiet place to get it on! RUFK!?


Color me DONE. It was fun and it was interesting, but really? It is no wonder this guy is on a dating site, but holy cow! There must be a site for the man who wants a gal who simply wants a guy...


~A. Tan Gledmess