The Fine Art of Juggling...

...and it is a fine art, not for the feint of heart by any means. I am currently dating 2 men and the biggest challenge so far is remembering what I said to whom. And sometimes, I admit, I have fallen to saying honey, dear, or sweetheart because I cannot readily recall a name. It is a darn good thing I am not sleeping (bedding?) with either of them! A weak moment of Oh, Harold! when it should be Dear Bob can be a real downer.. greater than any cold shower. Luckily, that has not happened and one can surely hope it never does.

So.. let's see.. mostly one guy a blog but occasionally two, means I must be at 27 dates, give or take a couple.. 26, for sure.

This week's selection finds me with one man who is only a year or two older than I am. He is a POF guy and from sunny southern California before moving to Pennsylvania about 4 years ago. It's hard to make a long story short, but Mr CA has managed to live through some hard times - sick mom (and her death), divorce, and a crashing stock market - yet he still finds the humor in a situation and can laugh about the absurdities. I kind of like him. Drawbacks here include the fact that he is working 6 days a week to regain some lost ground and lives 76 miles away. Still, we chat online, exchange emails, and are planning a second get-together soon. On the upside, he is truthful about his height - believe it or not, this IS a biggie! So many men say they are 5'9" when they are really 5'4"!! And, his sense of humor is right out there with my own. This is a bit scary at times.


Man number 2 is a farmer and a bus driver.. he lives closer, and is looking for a 'roommate' with benefits. He thinks marriage is pointless, though he does believe it is possible for a woman to give up her home and stuff to move in with him.. and he thinks his children will be generous in the event of his death, therefor he sees no need to offer any safeguards. I'm thinking he is whacked. I have known a number of women who bought that scenario, and are now looking for a way to survive because they counted on him to look out for them. A date for him is an opportunity to see if we have common ground, and to plan for the future. I am unsure of what future he thinks we might have as we have only just met...  Again, I ask.. whatever happened to the fine art of dating!?

So, what have I learned? 
Men of a certain age are not very secure. They certainly have forgotten (if they ever actually knew) how to date. They are lonely and in need of someone (anyone?) to rescue them from themselves. And, some of them are willing to go to great lengths to be in a relationship, any relationship. Men, overall, seem more afraid of suffering than woman are and want to protect themselves from future pain - as if someone can actually do that. The whole dating thing scares them and the sooner they find a mate, the better! They have no idea how to court, date, or play. These men simply want to know if you can fill the void and the need (and cook as well as do laundry). It's almost sad, and many of them put themselves in positions where it is entirely too easy to take advantage of them.. jeesh I wish I had no morals at times!

On the reverse side there are also men who are and have been (no doubt) perpetual players. They protect themselves by using online dating sites in the same way one would use an escort service.. they just want a one night stand. These are the guys with the little black book that we knew so well in our 20's. they never, apparently, outgrew that. Sometimes I do think I relate better to that breed than the can you be my new mommy? type. They seem to want that connection but the fear of being hurt causes them to fill needs and not wants. On the other hand, they do know how to show a lady a good time.. for a while.


And me? Mostly I have learned what I don't want. I don't want a clinger, I don't want a puppy, and I don't want be hoodwinked. Some honesty, some real interest, and some wooing would be a wonderful thing. I still like to think I will know what I want when I see it.. but I also know, I am ok alone... but they got something I need...(I've got that brand new pair of roller skates...)


~A. Tan Gledmess