The Fine Art of Juggling...

...and it is a fine art, not for the feint of heart by any means. I am currently dating 2 men and the biggest challenge so far is remembering what I said to whom. And sometimes, I admit, I have fallen to saying honey, dear, or sweetheart because I cannot readily recall a name. It is a darn good thing I am not sleeping (bedding?) with either of them! A weak moment of Oh, Harold! when it should be Dear Bob can be a real downer.. greater than any cold shower. Luckily, that has not happened and one can surely hope it never does.

So.. let's see.. mostly one guy a blog but occasionally two, means I must be at 27 dates, give or take a couple.. 26, for sure.

This week's selection finds me with one man who is only a year or two older than I am. He is a POF guy and from sunny southern California before moving to Pennsylvania about 4 years ago. It's hard to make a long story short, but Mr CA has managed to live through some hard times - sick mom (and her death), divorce, and a crashing stock market - yet he still finds the humor in a situation and can laugh about the absurdities. I kind of like him. Drawbacks here include the fact that he is working 6 days a week to regain some lost ground and lives 76 miles away. Still, we chat online, exchange emails, and are planning a second get-together soon. On the upside, he is truthful about his height - believe it or not, this IS a biggie! So many men say they are 5'9" when they are really 5'4"!! And, his sense of humor is right out there with my own. This is a bit scary at times.


Man number 2 is a farmer and a bus driver.. he lives closer, and is looking for a 'roommate' with benefits. He thinks marriage is pointless, though he does believe it is possible for a woman to give up her home and stuff to move in with him.. and he thinks his children will be generous in the event of his death, therefor he sees no need to offer any safeguards. I'm thinking he is whacked. I have known a number of women who bought that scenario, and are now looking for a way to survive because they counted on him to look out for them. A date for him is an opportunity to see if we have common ground, and to plan for the future. I am unsure of what future he thinks we might have as we have only just met...  Again, I ask.. whatever happened to the fine art of dating!?

So, what have I learned? 
Men of a certain age are not very secure. They certainly have forgotten (if they ever actually knew) how to date. They are lonely and in need of someone (anyone?) to rescue them from themselves. And, some of them are willing to go to great lengths to be in a relationship, any relationship. Men, overall, seem more afraid of suffering than woman are and want to protect themselves from future pain - as if someone can actually do that. The whole dating thing scares them and the sooner they find a mate, the better! They have no idea how to court, date, or play. These men simply want to know if you can fill the void and the need (and cook as well as do laundry). It's almost sad, and many of them put themselves in positions where it is entirely too easy to take advantage of them.. jeesh I wish I had no morals at times!

On the reverse side there are also men who are and have been (no doubt) perpetual players. They protect themselves by using online dating sites in the same way one would use an escort service.. they just want a one night stand. These are the guys with the little black book that we knew so well in our 20's. they never, apparently, outgrew that. Sometimes I do think I relate better to that breed than the can you be my new mommy? type. They seem to want that connection but the fear of being hurt causes them to fill needs and not wants. On the other hand, they do know how to show a lady a good time.. for a while.


And me? Mostly I have learned what I don't want. I don't want a clinger, I don't want a puppy, and I don't want be hoodwinked. Some honesty, some real interest, and some wooing would be a wonderful thing. I still like to think I will know what I want when I see it.. but I also know, I am ok alone... but they got something I need...(I've got that brand new pair of roller skates...)


~A. Tan Gledmess

Bad Dates and No Dates...

Sometimes it is a tough call.. bad date? bad timing? Sometimes it is a no-brainer.. no good time = one very bad date. Tonight's bad date really boiled down to age though. I need a place on my profile to add "if you are on coumadin, please refrain from responding". Men with heart conditions that require copious amounts of blood thinner should probably not be dating a woman like me. So sad really. Judging by the higher pitch of his voice, I am also guessing he is low on testosterone. It would be sad if it weren't so funny.. or is that funny if it weren't so sad? Some days it is a toss up!

How does this happen? Once again, I am back to the dating sites.. I am certainly better at picking my own bad dates than my friends and acquaintances are. And when they really don't work out, I can omit the explaining part too. Mr Shrimp, as he called himself (was that a hint?), arrived in shorts. Having invited me to a restaurant he has visited before, one would think he would know the temperature inside was sub-arctic! He billed himself as age 66, with the mind of 35 year old and the 'body' of a 50 year old. What can I say about this? oh, yea! He lied or else he has a much better mirror than I do!! It turns out he is also recently divorced.. a year ago, after a 44 year marriage that included very little/no intimacy - and no cheating on his or her part! I can only wonder if he is not interested in/not capable of sex. This definitely takes him off my list of prospects. You know, his one concern about living alone had to do with being sick.. no one around to take care of him or to know if he was dead! 

Ah well, there is always Mr E, the nearly 70 year old guy at the bar last week - he looked younger, had more verve and said he "loved my smile".. too bad he is much closer to my mom and dad's age than mine. He did mention he had a 51 year old son.. maybe he could introduce me to him.. hmmmm



~A. Tan Gledmess

Why is HE back in MY world?

Online dating is certainly an adventure. Just when one thinks they have seen most of what it has to offer, life throws in a zinger. POF has decided that one of my matches is **wait for it...** - my ex fiance' - who, by the way, was not actually divorced at the time he asked me to marry him.. Amazingly enough, he is also still 59.. an age he has managed for at least 3 years despite his driver's license listing him as born in 1941! What ever bit of magic does that for a man, I want it too. Holy Smokes!

In all the gin joints, in all the world.. this schmuck ends up in mine? How unfair is that?

Now one might also ask why I am back online, given my almost 3 week adventure with the Set-Up guy.. who by the way is very nice. As it turns out he is too nice.. way too nice.. suffocating-ly nice. He also followed me to the gym... my gym.. and signed in as my guest while I was working out. Who does that? Who just feels it is ok to show up as a guest when one has not been invited? Does 2.5 weeks qualify as a relationship and make that ok!?

Maybe it is me, but either way.. despite the fact that my mother has reminded me that "at (my) age, I should not expect perfect", I strongly feel that at my age I shouldn't have to settle either. 

Life may be good, but today... well, it certainly is throwing me some curves.


~A. Tan Gledmess