The Week of the Married Man... Men?

Two men, two different nights. One separated from his wife..by 60 miles, the other by 150. I do understand semantics but when one says he is separated, shouldn't that mean that papers have been filed and new domiciles have been secured? Do women do this too? I imagine they do but I have never really met one. That said, this is the third man on my 50 date journey who is playing the game in name only. Pretty sad actually. What's even sadder is that they think I should help them understand why they are schmucks!

Would-be-bachelor number 1 is Mr Golf: tall, somewhat bald under that ball cap, and pretty charming. He drives a Miata with a trunk so stuffed it is amazing. Oh, and notice the tag.. Mr. Separated by 6o miles is a Boy Scout! The tags say BSA. Go figure! He dances well, talks the talk, and is a great kisser! Really!! However, being so thrifty as to only have one condom on board and then hoping to reuse it before the night is through is a bit of a turnoff (ick!), especially after yours truly has already thrown it in the trash .  That would be a resounding "NO", Mr. G.. I mean really!?
 
Mr RM (Regional Manager) is tall enough with a full head of hair and an ego just as thick. He thinks I am mean because I don't understand and he needs me... this being said while he has his hand on the back of my neck, encouraging me to place my head in his lap..while we are sitting in my car . Can we please say NOT 17 ANYMORE? His wife is also mean  and hates him.. no kidding? A man who fools around on his spouse while he is out of town and he thinks she is mean?? I am so confused. I am also happy to report that I have no idea if he travels with condoms.. I safely extricated myself from his gentle pressure, threw him out of the car with a smile, and drove myself home... one small item left to do..? I need to find those directions for blocking calls.

The beat goes on and on... somewhere along the way I am going to need to take a head count though... is this 15 or 16? and can I really keep doing this? 

~A. Tan Gledmess

Boy Meets Girl...

And, girl meets boy. (date 3)... They touch, they kiss, and they fall into bed together.. you know what happens next, right? Any warm blooded American male or female can rightly make the assumption that more touching, more feeling, and some Oh God!s will be heard (among other things)... but you would be wrong. He turns away, says how nice it is to have her in bed with him, and commences snoring. In the morning, he awakens before she does, quietly gets dressed and finds a seat in the living room, watching tv. WTH!? A perfectly willing naked woman in his bed and he is watching tv?? Someone may need to explain this to me because I certainly don't get it.

A short time later, she gets up.. having realized that he is not coming back to bed. She dresses and finds the living room (and him). A stilted conversation takes place about how she doesn't need to be awake, how he remembers she said she needed coffee before having a conversation in the morning, and how he was simply being nice... (WHAT!?). There is no way to have a conversation on this.. not then, maybe not ever, so after that morning cup of coffee, she finds her way home (What? Where are you going? You don't have to leave...). Damn.. 5am is early! A perfectly good possibility bites the dust because he is not ready, unsure, and trying to be nice.. not like other guys... 
 
I am so confused.. isn't that HER line? When did the tables get turned and what can it all mean?






~A. Tan Gledmess

Lucky 13?

Blind date, last weekend, with Mr Colorado lasted 3 hours +.. seems we had lots to talk about, at least until that question.. the one that starts with what are you looking for...? I hate that question. If I knew that, wouldn't I have found it? Do I want a permanent relationship? (maybe.. can someone define permanent for me??). Do I want a friend with benefits?  That one is a bit easier to define, but can we discuss the benefits first? There is a lot of work that needs doing around this homestead, starting with the water heater! And then perhaps all I want is the one night stand here and there.. All of this simply begs the question of what do you want? and Do we have to discuss this on the first date? Jeesh! Whatever happened to just getting to know one another? When did dating and life become so abbreviated? Is the Rapture really coming and do we need to be hooked up before it gets here!?

Moving on.. I answered the question with enough ambiguity that he is still wondering what it is I want. When he finds out, I hope he'll let me know. In the meantime, we had date 2 and went riding all day.. motorcycle. And what a great day it was for that too.. sun shining, nice breeze, low humidity. The best part is that I could still walk the next day. I am in better shape than I thought!

Four days later, and Mr C calls again.. guess he likes me. We are going out again tomorrow.. lunch with friends (is this like Meet the Parents!?) and then a friendly poker game.. he's going to bank me for the day on the condition I pay back the bank if I win. I don't know what happens if I break even..hmmm. In the meantime, lunch out today netted me a phone number and a future date with the Snap-Lite division manager., a man who understands the importance of batteries and why I needed to make a special trip to town to get some! YES!!

Not sure how old he is, but I do know he is cute, so what they heck! oh yes.. he also has very nice hands.. mmmm ... Stay tuned...

~A. Tan Gledmess

And the Beat Goes On.. W?RUFK!?

Now I know, and you know that this is all about fifty dates.. first dates no less. And, I have to admit that I have been remiss about keeping track, which means that backtracking will be necessary for me to state the current status of this adventure. In the meantime, I am also having some repeat dates, and one of those occurred this past week. I had second date with the bloodhound, aka The Cowboy. You might recall him as the guy whose tongue sought to remove my cavities.. from my mouth! Although I decided I would go out with him again - after all everyone deserves a second chance - I did not say I would allow kissing to take place again. And although I did relent on this, I can say that he also maintained some restraint. Thank goodness!

We went to the carnival. Music seems to be the theme of our dating adventures. And it began with me meeting him at his place, as it was closer to the carnival grounds and I was hoping to get a glimpse of how he he lives. And, OH MY! First of all, he has this huge dog and he likes to sleep ON cars.. not in them, not next to them, ON them! And when we returned he was on the car.. luckily for all concerned, it was not MY car! 

Back to the house.. the house is definitely a fixer upper, and he is fixer upper kind of guy. Cherry wood floors are found throughout the place, and although they need some finishing work, they sure do look nice. Bedrooms abound.. upstairs on opposite ends of the house and one downstairs. Air conditioners are located in each one, but only operating in one of them. And no, I did not stay the night or try out the bed. On the whole, it can be said that the place has character - from the muddy, bumpy lane going in, to the house itself. And although I am impressed with the work and time this humble abode requires, I cannot, with any stretch of my imagination, envision myself living in anything like it. It gives country a whole new meaning! Oh, and it did smell like dog (hot dog)! And did I mention that he was also hot - and sweaty!? What was I thinking!?

But the beat does go on and last night I got a call from Mr Colorado. He is the BIL (brother-in-law) of another friend and has recently moved to town. We are meeting for drinks and a bite on Friday night - a bona-fide blind date! We spoke briefly on the phone last night, and he does laugh well and seems to be the considerate type. Despite my giving him a couple of openings, he chose to be the gentleman and refrained from responding in kind.. hmnmm; no doubt this is yet another adventure waiting to happen. 

Stay tuned...

~A. Tan Gledmess

aNiMAl FArM.. RUFK!?

It has certainly been a strange and somewhat adventurous two weeks! And, that, dear reader, is why I am behind on postings. Bear with me.. or should I say we will snake our way around this story? Bad puns, and I apologize now for any others that might leak into this post. 

Last weekend was the weekend of the Rapture. As you know, during the Rapture, those of us who were deemed worthy were to be taken above, naked (or is that nekkid?) to be rewarded for our goodness. I am not good.. at least not in the traditional sense. I am, after all, still here. The animals in my kingdom apparently thought otherwise and a few came to check in on me, maybe even move in. Visitor number 1 was the House Spider. It is actually poisonous, but not too fast. I was able to capture it and place it under glass until I drank that first cup of coffee. The it died.. bug spray. Wonderful stuff.

Visitor number 2 was a snake. Just a common King Snake, also known as a Black Snake or a Rat Snake. Pretty common guy in these parts, although this one was pretty long. He/She decided to invade my patio area as I was also invading the patio for lunch. The snake won that round. I ate inside.

Visitor number 3 was the cutest of them all.. the red fox! This one was deadly! I'd bet my left foot he was rabid. Daylight and foxes are not usually friends, and given their shyness, standing outside my door, staring at me ranks right up there with odd behavior. The only explanation I have for a skinny red fox, standing at my door in bright sunlight is a sick mind! And this, dear reader, brings us up to speed on my newest dating adventure with the Super.. super crazy guy, that is! 

The Super is from D.C., and is Distinctly Crazy. We met online, of course, and he seemed normal.. whatever normal is these days. We met for dinner. He still seemed normal.. funny, smart enough, complimentary - said being with me made him feel smarter (was that a clue??). The good night kiss was pretty nice as well. And then it all went to hell.. beginning with the non stop text messages telling me how great I was and how this was meant to be - the three words that will always run a chill up my spine. But, hey, I'm a fair gal and I thought I'd sleep on this. Given my history, I thought maybe, just maybe, I needed to change my expectations a tad and accept that I am a fabulous person that brings out the best in someone.

The next morning I woke early, well rested, and thought, you know, maybe this will work out. And bing, a text message appears on my computer screen! Magic? Fat chance! 

How did I sleep? Did I miss him yet? Did I know how wonderful I am? 

 It was getting to be a bit much and I politely and laughingly (LOL) asked him to take it easy and back up a little. He apologized and signed off. This occurred again later that evening as well, and then into Monday morning. Once again, asking for a reprieve from the non stop adulation, I was accused of DRAMA and he said he

didn't need it, and that he would not be contacting me again.. 

WOW! What did I miss!? Ask a guy to stop complimenting me every 2 minutes, and I am the drama queen!  My next thought was Phew! Another crazy one bites the dust. But he was back again on Tuesday morning! and again on Tuesday night!.. via text messaging.. asking me to  

bear with him  and to understand as he works his way through this.  After all, something brought us together..

um, yea.. a website! The Super is now super blocked - no more emails, no more texts, and no more phone calls. Another crazy guy off my list and further confirmation that a girl should never doubt her gut.


On the upside.. I had another date with the IT guy.. wonder, wonder who... or is that where (?) this is going.. hmmmm. I do like the IT guy.. do you think he could be it as well? I'm pretty sure it is still too soon to tell!


~A. Tan Gledmess