Slowing Down...

"Friday (Saturday?) night, and I ain't got no money..." seems to be the theme this month. Holidays are upon us again and money is tight... I also "can't get no satisfaction" in the man department. Why is that? I am beginning to suspect it might just be me.. wrong place, wrong time, wrong era...

The last man I saw was the Getaway Man.. remember him? Only this time, he wasn't able to get away as easily.. I was at his place! We have an interesting relationship - given that a relationship is defined as a state of affairs existing between those having relations or dealings. Indeed, this is what we have.. a state of affairs, occasional dealings. I would like to think of him as a boy-toy, but the truth is, we have become friends.. with benefits.  And, as long as no one falls in love, all will be fine. 

The Vegan Lawyer is history, the Cowboy revisited briefly - primarily he seemed interested in how I could help him reinstate his profile on a dating site, and a date was had with the Fireman! In fact, a week was had with The Fireman, who disappeared when I suggested that perhaps he should have a plan when asking me out on a Friday night. Being the social director is not yet my job. What is that all about? (W?RUFK!?). 

Dinner last Sunday with the widower was pleasant as well and it looks like breakfast this Sunday is a possibility too. Although he has been on his own only a short time, he did suggest that I park my car in his drive rather than walk over (he lives a short distance away) so that we could "give 'em something to talk about" in the neighborhood! I kind of like his sense of humor... maybe, just maybe... 

And, so the beat goes on. I have been actively dating again since last April and have seen approximately 30 men - and no, I am not going back to count them; that just seems like too much work. I am not really discouraged and I am not really surprised. When spitting in the wind, the best one can hope for is to avoid the back-splash, and so far, I seem to be doing a fair job of that! I am thankful for the opportunities I have had thus far to meet interesting men. I am thankful that the weird ones have not been overly weird; and I am thankful that I am still young enough to enjoy the adventure.

Happy Thanksgiving my friends! Don't let the turkeys get you down...










~A. Tan Gledmess 

The Vegan Lawyer..

And what is wrong with this title? Vegan? Lawyer? Somehow I always envision a lawyer as  a carnivore, a predator, a meat eater!

STM's profile was somewhat on the light side. He'd rather not state his income (and after one date, I am apt to believe it is not much), and he is " as much at home in an art gallery as on a hiking trail." I have to say I am not believing that so much either, given the beanie he wears. Beatniks don't usually camp or hike. And, he's only been a vegan for a short time, so he still wears leather shoes and belt.. can't leap too far too fast when you have already spent a number of years on the "10 yard line".. and you have love that - football metaphors from a man who does NOT watch football.

We meet online, and agree to a Sunday evening coffee date, which does turn into a lite fare evening at a little place downtown.. did I mention he does not drink as well?? So, here we are.. I order meat and wine, he orders tea and salad. No cheese, please. Jeesh! But hey, I am trying to drop my shallow thinking and he is, after all, an attorney. I appear to be moving up the food chain. I need to give this a chance... did I mention he never smiled? Not once. Who doesn't smile? I am funny, you know!
 
But, hey, that's not all.. he is also a Quaker... I do wonder about that as Quakers "do not swear oaths" ..don't lawyers have to swear an oath?

Moving on ... date 2 or real date 1; call it what you wish.. remember, I am trying to be fair here.. 
Dinner @ Subway: $12.00
Movie @ Cheap Seats: $7.00
Kiss goodnight: YUCK! 

I'm going back to my normal, shallow self. It's safer that way.

~A. Tan Gledmess

ps: STM stands for Stair Master.. gotta love a guy with a streak of creativity.. and no, I did not ask!

4 Weeks Later...

And I am still a single woman. I would (honestly) like to be surprised by this, but alas, I am not. On the one hand, I am pretty sure that I am still not ready .. not ready to trust my own judgement, much less the judgement of a guy. Secondly, I am pretty sure that the men I am running into these days are more broken than I feel. And, I am not settling for whoever might like/love me. I need to love him, and love him madly. My mother suggests that "at this age" I might need to understand that men are not perfect and that I will not find the perfect man", but I do insist that at this age, I am entitled to the man who is perfect for me. Why settle for less?

Onward and forward we go... dating adventures.. I met the Navy guy earlier this month. We seemed to hit it off.. three dinner dates later, he is Silent Sam. Suddenly I do get an email and he apologizes for "breaking up" via email.. this "relationship is not working for him". I have to admit I am a bit stumped, and I am also pretty sure (since we had the serial dating conversation) that he was/is dating others and simply found someone he liked better.. or conversely was scared of really making a connection with me. Either way, in my mind, three dinner dates does not a relationship make, even when sex is involved. I mean, come on, we are all grownups who grew up in the Age of Aquarius! And, in my gracious response to his break up email, I said so. Thanks for playing.

What is it with my generation? Are we so afraid of broken hearts and broken bank accounts that being in a relationship is unthinkable? And if this is true, why are dating sites so jam packed with guys saying they want a "serious relationship"?

I'm pretty sure women don't lie....

~A. Tan Gledmess

Down On the Farm.. is Down for the Count

And, I do mean down for the count. He had 2 rounds and totally blew it on round 3... asked to find something we might enjoy doing together, he said, and I quote

 I have been thinking about a venue for this evening. I have come to the conclusion that any place that I decide upon is as good as any other, unless you have a preference. I'm thinking Olive Garden, Ruby Tuesday, or a place of your choice. The main thing is that I want to be with you in a venue where we can talk and discuss and plan and enjoy each other and get to know each other, even if it is a Pizza Hut or at your place on opposite sides of the table eating a pizza and knocking back a couple of beers. Life is too short to worry about finding something fascinating to do when the crux of the situation is comparison of our respective realities to determine common ground.

I have to admit, it was that last sentence that caused the knockout! What part of dating is this guy not getting?? Common ground? Comparison of our respective realities? At my place!!?? (Holy INTERROBANG).. is he kidding? Apparently not.. and so she wrote..

I actually do like the idea of finding something fascinating to do or a great place to go/try. I think the adventure and discovery is worth the time and effort that goes into doing a little research to find a great venue. It seems to me you are looking for a situation where you can settle in at once and be done with dates. While I appreciate that, I am not interested in comparing 'respective realities' .. Good luck to you.

 And so it ends.. although I will add that he followed this up with an angry email and an angry phone call. Funny how calling me before was not possible but now it was. And I have to say thank you to my gut. Saved again!! Dating is such tricky business; what I have difficulty understanding is the number of men who merely want to fill the vacancy.. it is no wonder they are divorced - which does not, of course, explain why I am divorced (anyone listening to the irony here?). And what number is this?? Do I really have 20 more dates or more to go?? 

Oy vey!

On the upside, Mr Ca is a lot of fun, and we spent some time together again this weekend. A mid week walk among the dead, followed by Thai food gave way to HIS COOKING of dinner at his place, and, well, you can guess the rest... yum..



~A. Tan Gledmess